The Wait for Eight

Arizona's already passed their version. Florida, too.

As I type this, I find out now California has joined the throng.

After ensuring an Obama win *dance* I went to check the news on our very own Prop 8. What I found around 9 o'clock last night that it was, with 11% of the precincts reporting, passing with 55% to 45%

I used to wonder how I'd feel if that proposition passed, being stuck between that stupid rock and a hard place, but last night I realized that I wanted it to fail, how sad it made me to think it wouldn't.

It was like wondering if I'd get to my polling place, stand there and stare at the ballot, wondering what the right thing to do was.

That didn't happen. I voted without a second thought.

I know I don't need to tell anyone this; it's really none of your business, and it's none of mine to know how you voted unless you care to tell me (or I already know).

But my reaction to the early news last night surprised me, and the news this morning saddens me. The only thing I can think of is that this thing is so headed for the U.S. Supreme Court.

My heart just dropped though. I know, Bad Mormon! But these are people's lives we're voting on. Good people. Good people who only want good things. Good people who don't want to affect our religious beliefs, only to be entitled to their own beliefs, to be entitled to live as anyone else.

In a good faith effort to understand, I went to my bishop on Sunday and tried to see if I'd been missing anything. My bishop is an unapologetic supporter of the cause, and he's been working tirelessly with members of my ward to pass this thing. Though I don't know him very well, I consider myself a decent judge of people and I trusted him (unlike my last bishop...).

I told him I struggled with understanding, that I wanted to do the right thing. Please tell me why this is the right thing.

My gut told me going in this wasn't going to change my mind, and it didn't. I told him most everything I've told you. He asked me why I voted for Prop 22 back in 2000. I think he was expecting a "because the prophet said so" kind of answer, but the truth was that back then I didn't know what the Prophet said (I was very green in the church), I grew up in a Republican household, my mom was for the Prop and I wanted to please her and prove that the Church was good, and well, aren't all LDS Republican? Don't all Christians vote against gay marriage? Isn't acting on homosexual tendencies wrong? I wanted to be good.

I think my answer threw him off, but he was respectful of it. I didn't want to get into a debate with him. I told him it bothered me that so many seem to think I'm going to get ex'd or something for being against this prop. He said he wouldn't put it against me if I was against it. It was between me and the Lord.

It was nice to hear. Though I wasn't looking for his blessing, it was nice to hear, and I wanted to be able to tell you all that too.

Maybe I went in to speak with him as more of a reporter, but anyone who knows me knows I don't treat things of this nature flippantly.

I voted no.

And I hoped with everything in me it fails - the fact that we voted on a person's right to marry just makes me sick. It makes me wish I would have done more to stop it. That I'd have responded to the person who regarded the proponents as "the moral majority."

But I felt too alone and too scared to do more. Even up until yesterday.

Damn.