I've considered this for a while now, unsure if I can do it - if I want to, and tonight I've found the courage and determination. I have to retire this. This blog has granted me an outlet essential to my own mental salvation and has let me know I am hardly alone. The strength I've found here has amazed me.
Here's the problem: the Church and my disaffection with it has become too central to my life. It dominates conversation and has shoved every other interesting part about me out. Tonight during a conversation with a longtime friend, I found I had little else interesting to talk about and it's grown old. This is not who I am - friend or foe, the Church should not be this much a part of me. People can only handle so much of my bitching and complaining and honestly, I can't either. I need to figure this out and just decide. I won't as long as I blog about it.
Later I hope to start up a new blog, but I'm unsure when that will happen. Perhaps with time, self-reconciliation, and new found energy I'll renew my efforts there with a different focus. I've also other endeavors I want to explore. This blog and the thoughts therein crowd everything else. I can't do this anymore. I may want to, but as we know wants and needs are two different things. I shouldn't do this anymore. Not now.
I appreciate so much the support I've found here. I'm happy to say I can stop while I'm ahead. I know many who "follow" my blog do so because they've found a kinship or some worth in my words. Flattered doesn't begin to describe. I'm honored, really. It is my prayer that inasmuch as we allow others to worship how, where, or what they may, I wish that we can allow the same of ourselves. God knows our hearts. In that I can trust - or at least hope.
Thank you all so much. I wish everyone the best.
Rebel Girls in a Boys Club Church
2 days ago